Friday, January 22, 2010

Zombie Apocalypse? Seriously.

Welcome back... I'm glad I got your attention!

Now that you've taken the leap to give this a shot, its time to understand why it could happen one day. Even considering that their could be a zombie apocalypse somewhere down the road requires a certain amount of... outside-the-box thinking. Saying it out loud might have people think your nuts (hey, take it from me!). But the honest to God truth is, wouldn't you rather be safe than sorry?

Good, me too.

When people think of zombies and their impending apocalypse that they always seem to bring with their presence, there are a few cliches: the pale & overdone powder makeup, the koolaid running down the mouth (oops! sorry, maybe its ketchup!), arms stretched out like Frankenstein and weird mumbles. Now see, these things don't exactly strike "fear" into my heart when I think about it... its more like laughter. And those? I'm not even sure they'd count as mummies much less zombies.

But honestly now. Back to the reasons why you should start watching the news and why stocking up on guns, ammo, and food might seem like a great idea pretty soon.

Brain-Controlling Parasites (YES, THEY'RE REAL!)
So get this. There is a parasite called
Toxoplasma Gondii. Basically, this parasite weasels its way into a host (in this case, a rats body) and takes over the brain, forcing it to do whatever it wants. I know, I know... this is friggin nuts. So in the example of the rat, this parasite can only breed inside the intestines of cat. So here is where it gets sick and disgusting: the parasite leads the rat to the belly of the cat without the rat even knowing it. And in case you've ever seen any of the Resident Evil movies... this is pretty much what creatures controlled by Brain infected parasites would look like. Similar to this parasite, there are also others that infect insects, slugs, and even fish.

Oh and by the way, did you know that
half of the human population is infected with Toxoplasma Gondii? I bet no one ever shared that little tidbit of fun info with ya, huh? Since this parasite is so small, it doesn't affect most humans. It would take this parasite to mutate just a bit more before it could start to take over. Is it already? Guess we'll find out.. (insert crazy laughter)

Neurotoxins (FOR ANYONE WHO'S SEEN THE SERPENT AND THE RAINBOW BY WES CRAVEN)

So for anyone who has seen some type of action or horror movie, we should all be familiar with the fact that there are poisons/toxins that can slow every function in the human body down to the point of illustrating death. For example, poison from fugu (Japanese blowfish)? Yep, that'll do it. With said poison slowing down the body, the "victim" could then be brought back under another drug or chemical (such as
datura stramonium and alkaloids) and leaving them in a trance-like state. The thing about these drugs/poisons is that the victim will be able to complete simple tasks like eating, sleeping, the zombie moan and the ever-cliche walking around with arms out move. Great.

In case you're wondering WHE
RE this is taking place in the real world... a giant red arrow should be pointing at Haiti. This type of work is used in the Voodoo religion, but it doesn't stop there. That movie that I mentioned earlier? The Serpent and the Rainbow by Wes Craven was actually based on a book by Dr. Wade Davis, which is actually based on the true experiences of Clairvius Narcisse. So about this Clairvius guy real quick. He was a Haitian man was declared dead by two (NOT JUST ONE) doctors and buried in a local cemetery. He was found wandering the village nearly 18 years later! Turns out, priests were using chemicals on these "dead bodies" so that they would zombify and return to them... then they would be put to work on their plantations. Seriously.

The good thing is that eve
n though this has already happened out there in the big wide world... there is no way that some crazy mastermind who plans to take over the world could get these zombified humans to become aggressive or cannablistic, which is the necessary for the apocalypse part. Whammy.

Rage Virus (SEEN IN 28 DAYS/WEEKS LATER)
So, this one might be one of the most famous cases of zombies in movie history. Wh
o doesn't recognize the movie cover decorated with a pair of creepy hazard symbol eyes?? Even the sequel (28 Weeks Later) had a same thing red cover with identical eyes. Hmmm...

Well, movie history or not... it doesn't beat real history. Especially the kind that says we have mental diseases/disorders that did just that: turning humans into mindless killing machines. The good thing? It's not contagious... oh wait, that was until Mad Cow Disease veered its ugly little head onto the societal scene. Think about this for a second, Mad Cow Disease attacks the spinal cord and brain of the cow, which converts
a once peaceful herbivore into a mindless attack cow! What!?

And then there's that little thing about humans loving to eat meat (with all do respect to vegetarians of course!). Hmm... basic math would tell us that Mad Co
w infected cow + meat eating human = a rapidly mentally degenerating, body twitching, uncoordinated and aggressive human. Well, how about that? The official term for humans with Mad Cow Disease is Creutzfeldt–Jakob disease.
These, my friend, are the symptoms:

· Chainges in gait (walking)

· Hallucinations

· Lack of coordination (stumbling and falling)

· Muscle twitching

· Myoclonic jerks or seizures

· Rapidly developing delirium or dementia


How's it feel to know that you are actually just one brain chemical away from turning into a stumbling zombie? Serotonin helps prevent this, but all it would take is the right virus (or an already existing virus that has continued to mutate) to start the mindless aggression. For now this disease is maintained and fairly rare, as far as we know. The only thing would make this a real life 28 Days Later scene is blood on blood disease transfer or saliva on blood. Enter zombieworld.

Neurogenesis (IN LABORATORIES NOW)
You know all that conversy out there about stem cell research? Well, the whole thing with stem cells is that they can basically be used to re-generate dead cells. In case you weren't listening, REGENERATION of brain cells = zombies. Yeah... I'm sure you're starting to get the picture now.

In the big world of science, they have a study known as "Reanimation Research"... yeah, seriously. In theory, this all sounds well and good when it comes down to saving an innocent person from brain death. BUT any of you zombie-enthusiasts out there can tell you that this has the major potential for ending very, very badly.

So basically, reanimation
causes the brain to die off from the outside in. The outside being the cortex, the nice part of you that makes humans human. That just leaves the part that controls basic motor function and primitive instincts behind. Without the cortex, the human body can survive, but you'd pretty much only able to eat and walk around. This explains how chickens run around with their heads cut off! There's even one case of chicken that was still running around headless after 18 months! Let's add this up for a bit... brain dead patient + technology to regrow brain cells = mindless, shambling body void of any emotion and humanity. All that's left is basic instinct and impulse. All we're waiting for at this point is for someone with the resources to give this a try... especially since all rights are ceased after "death". Hitting home yet?

Nanobots (IN THE BOOK PREY; IN THE GAME NANO BREAKER)

"
Nanobots are microscopic, self-replicating robots that can invisbily build--or destroy--anything. Vast sums of money are being poured into nanotechnology." -- Cracked.com

Scientists have already created something called a Nano-Cyborg, which is a fusion of a tiny silicone chip and a virus. These cyborgs have the capability of operating even after it's host has been deceased for over a month. According to studies, within a decade there will be nanobots that are able to recreate braincells and may even rewire the brain itself.

These nanobots will be programmed to keep regenerating until the human body decays and falls apart, but the scary part (and the part that brings us back to this whole zombie conversation!) is that the nanobots will know it needs a new host... therefore it will need to bite a hole and fill it in with more nanobots! In case no one is getting this picture: a long (or short) dead body with decaying parts (remember they won't even have human thoughts anymore!) comes at you, bites you, and then BAM! You join the army of the undead... only to continue the morbid cycle.

"
Now, it should be more than clear by this point that our goal is to be responsible researchers. We don't want to create a panic here. All we're saying is that on an actual day on the actual calendar in the future, runaway microscopic nanobots will end civilization by flooding the planet with the cannabalistic undead. Science has proven it." -- Cracked.com


So there you have it! Don't be scared... be warned. Be prepared. Hopefully now you don't think this is all so crazy. Or at least hopefully you don't think I'm crazy! ;) But doesn't it at least feel better to feel informed? Yeah... I figured.

(ALL RESEARCH WAS DONE THROUGH MEDICAL SITES, MAX BROOKS' THE ZOMBIE SURVIVAL GUIDE, AND CRACKED.COM)

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